Politricks Quotes

• Talking non-stop on issues about which you know very little and care even less (page 10)

• Resisting and eventually ignoring those emotions that may influence you to empathize or sympathize with a hurting constituent. That way you avoid taking genuine action on their behalf. (page 10)

• Pretending to be at ease, happy, and gracious to be in a home, church or gathering, knowing that most of the people there despise you. (page 11)

• While it would be useful to be an expert in some field that would assist the growth and development of the country, it is not necessary.  (page 12)

• While it would be wonderful to have a passion for issues that affect the lives of people, don’t sweat it if you realize that you don’t like people and could care less if it were them instead of their car-chasing pot-cake dog lying stiff on the side of the road. There is a place for people like you in public life. (page 12)

• You qualify for politricks if any of the following apply to you:

  • You are cold blooded enough to violate the Ten Commandments and commit the seven deadly sins if the acts would grant you the victory or preserve your position. [Murder for hire?!] (page 13)

  • You are capable of lying without blinking or regret. (page 13)

  • You are smart enough to conceal the lie using every trick in this book. (page 13)

  • You are egotistical enough to believe that your election or appointment has suddenly converted you into an authority on almost any subject. (page 13)

• Tired of not having a labeled parking space

• In the past people didn’t return his calls

• Limited access to the members of the opposite sex or same sex

• God complex (Delusion of Grandeur)

• No impeachment law on the books

• Remember, most people can be bought. Some by the message some by the plane ticket for the child in college, some for household appliances, some for building materials and some for a half-pint of alcohol. Therefore, get to know your audience then spend wisely. (page 17)

• People have short memories; therefore spend your funds closer to the election so that your ‘goodness’ can be fresh on their minds when the polls open up. (page 18)

• People will call you often for help you can’t give; this will help you sharpen your slick talking, a skill which is invaluable during election time. (page 19)

• Frequent calls from members of the public will make you feel needed and every now and again you actually believe the people when they say they love you. This becomes refreshing after hanging out with cutthroat colleagues who hate your guts. (page 20)

• Many people will seek to contribute to or actually invest in your campaign. Investments they expect return on later… Do not discriminate; whoevers will, beckon them to come. [GBPA] (page 22)

• Don’t be silly and start believing that elections are won and should be contested on the basis of issues. Leave that for honest and ethical politicians. (page 25)

• You must win or lose on the basis of the abundance of your promises. (page 25)

• Get to know your audience and then promise them the world (in other words, fool them). (page 25)

• Keep in mind that promises do not cost you anything to make. Be vague about the timeline of the goods and services. (page 25)

• Promise every unemployed constituent a job. It is a must if you want to win. Never mind that it’s an unrealistic task – the key is to have favour and gain their trust or at least their vote. (page 26)

• Remember, be smooth and quick on promises and after the election, appear contrite and explain why delivery is so slow or nonexistent. (page 26)

• Do not hold on to your principles too tightly. (page 29)

• Use a few expletives to let constituents know that you can relate and that you are “one of them!” (page 29)

• Always say “we” just in case you lose the election, you can spread around the responsibility. (page 30)

• Do not get caught up in the truth. People will tell you all the bad things that are being done to them by your party. Don’t be distracted form your mission to win them over despite their very good reasons for not wanting to come over. (page 31)

• Take a perfectly innocent statement and spin it around so that it conveys the exact opposite of what you intended. (page 37)

• Take harmless situations and create high-deadline drama. (page 37)

• Managing rumors is a science. You must study it and practice fairly consistently. You must learn: 1) When to use them; where and why to use them. 2) How to disseminate them; 3) Who to attack; 4) What types to use; 5) How frequently to use them, and 5) How to respond when you’re targeted. (page 41)

• When you wish to destroy the reputation of a colleague or foe. Find out what the people hate, and then proceed to label the colleague or foe accordingly. (page 41)

• In short make them dirty like you so you can feel good about yourself and people will have a harder time telling you apart or will actually believe you are the better person. (page 41)

• When you wish to create doubt in people’s minds about a person, place, or thing. Find out what the people really believe about a person, place, or things, then say the opposite. (page 42)

• When you wish to dimmish a person’s stature. This is crucial, especially if all your attempts at tiptoeing in order to measure up have left you coming up short. In this case, rumor them to be incompetent. (page 42)

• When someone is pissing you off or attacking you. Put so much dirt on them that they will become preoccupied with taking it off and will have no time to mess with you. (page 42)

• When things are going too well for someone. Everyone needs some stain, some struggle and remember God has appointed you to either create it or if it is hidden from public view, to unearth it for all or at least for some to see or hear about.  (page 42)

• When you wish to inflate your otherwise hollow image. Put out rumours on yourself; good rumours, heroic rumours.  (page 44)

• Attack your opponent. Remember you simply want to win. Actually, you need to win. Do not let a small word like ethics interfere with your mission. (page 47)

• You may go to hell for doing some of the things advised in this Handbook, but it’s hell being in the political wilderness. (page 50)

• Use rumours each time the person you despise or even like is being praised. (page 54)

• Use rumours when your self -esteem is low or self-respect is gone. (page 54)

• In an ideal world you would care about the constituents you serve and your motivation in designing policies and spearheading community initiatives would be as a result of your desire to serve. But this is far from being an idea world. So use your ideal position to serve yourself, especially since you know the nature of the people and this nature makes it awfully hard to love them, much less to serve them selflessly. (page 56)

• Plagiarize – you are working for all of the people, therefore nothing is wrong with you appropriating their ideas or projects and presenting them as your own, even if you initially rejected it only weeks, hours, or minutes ago. (page 57)

• Be careful not to raise hopes too high on matters important to a constituent unless you know that you can deliver, because they will hold it against you for life. On the other hand, don’t kill their hopes because although empty these are quite valuable, especially when hope is all they have. (page 59)

• Be careful not to take yourself too seriously to the extent that you actually start believing the nonsense you hear yourself saying almost daily. (page 59)

• Don’t speak to everyone. This will piss them off and make them more appreciative when you do speak later. Carry on badly with people so they can say later, when you apologize, how thoughtful you are and how humble you are. (page 62)

• Do, only briefly of course, all the little things that would influence them to say that you have the common touch. (page 63)

• Your excellent command of the Queen’s English will cause many to marvel at your brilliance. However, if you take this to an extreme many will perceive that you cannot relate to common Bahamian folks. (page 72)

• You must also have a good grasp of Bahamian dialect or ‘Bahamianese.’ This will endear you to the masses that struggle with subject-verb agreement, tenses, “th” and “ings.” (page 72)

• You will have to work very hard to convince the audience to buy the message you are selling. (page 72)

• As the public knows, it was you and your people who wrote that inflated biography on you (Thank God this is not the US where they investigate every detail of the biography. (page 73)

• As a matter of fact you are more effective when you sacrifice your personal views and in some cases your principles to show the art of kissing or sucking (far more powerful) up. (page 81)

• Don’t be concerned about appealing to constituents who don’t have any say until the next election. (page 81)

• Speak in language that only a few understand. They’ll mistakenly label you as brilliant. (page 81)

• Use your immunity in the House and Seante wisely. Mash up as many reputations as possible. Spread juicy rumours. (page 81)

• Fabricate rage and indignation in the House and Senate for your opponents. Make sure that the rows and the debate are venomous enough to keep the ignorant masses fighting along party lines. (page 83)

• Remember your job is to legislate, not take care of lazy people or people in need. (page 83)

• Be belligerent and hostile. His rage will convince thousands of people who are preoccupied with form rather than substance that you are not only sincere, but also right. (page 83)

• Too many Bahamians expect politicians to solve all their problems; which none can. Therefore, it won’t be long after an election that many persons realize that their miserable lives are the same. (page 84)

• Bahamians are chronic complainers, especially when they can hold someone else responsible. As a member of the opposition you must be the cheerleader – finding things for them to complain about and then leading by example; complain every time you see a microphone or reporter. (page 84)

• As a member of the opposition talk against the government’s position with much fervor and consistency then hope and pray that the majority of people do not remember that it was you who either created the mess or did nothing about it when you had a chance. (page 86)

• Choose a leader who can run the party properly leading up to the election, then if they are not eloquent or are too principled, choose a slick talking, prepared to do anything type of person to take the party into the next election. (page 87)

• Whenever voters appear to be into the issues and the truth, the leader should seek to find some issues and proceed to repeat them. Where the voters simply desire to be whipped into a frenzy and go for the jugular of the opponent, the leader should share so much nonsense, that when the people hear ‘sense’ they would not recognize it. Make ‘sense’ seem out of place. (page 87)

• Once you have been elected do not make the mistake of some senior politicians and leaders of the country. In short, do not work extremely hard and for long hours. (page 93)

• Never go into the constituency hoping that your wonderful presence will be enough. This will not work. People want either results or handouts. Therefore, flee them like the plague. (page 93)

• [On being a Minister] You can focus on governance or politricks. The route of prudent governance may enable you to positively impact people’s lives long-term, but weaken your popularity among people looking for patronage. The second route (politricks) is the road that will help you help yourself long-term. Find a Permanent Secretary that can run the Ministry while you run your public relations operation. Do whatever is required to be re-elected and re-appointed to the Cabinet. (page 96)

• Ensure that prayer precedes the party’s council meetings and conventions to avoid bloodshed. (page 105)

• Quote scripture at every opportunity. People may be so blinded that they focus only on what they hear from you that they do not see the hedonistic lifestyle you lead. (page 106)

• Politricks is all about tradeoffs. “All for me baby”, is a bit impractical, a lot greedy and too obvious. It’s about you scratching my back and me scratching yours. (page 109)

• As a politician don’t be impartial like some who have maintained a conscience and a sense of fair play. (page 112)

• When dealing with special occasions like Christmas and Mother’s Day, only deliver flowers, turkey and ham to select houses. This is less expensive, plus, that will teach those left out to support you next time. (page 114)

• Being trustworthy is over-rated; what is more important to the selfish masses is that you get the job done, on their behalf of course. (page 114)

• In the event you cannot motivate or inspire others to follow you or willingly follow your directives, use the classic techniques that nearly always guarantees compliance. Employ bribery, threats, intimidation, and terror. (page 114)

• People love to make comparisons between people; therefore make sure you undo all of the successful things your predecessor did. (page 115)

• The goal of election fever is to make party supporters forget what’s in their country’s best interest and believe that it’s absolutely necessary that their party win. (page 115)

• [Voters] These downtrodden people absolutely need deliverance by the best – whether they know it or not, they need me. (page 116)

• [Voters] On voting day, they are like mini-gods, they define my existence. Therefore, I have to treat these buggers like royalty for a quick minute. (page 116)

• [Each other] I am glad this slimy, vicious character is on our team. I would not want him for an enemy. (page 116)

• [Each other] How in the world did she make it this far with her intellectual capacity? My 15 year old daughter could tutor her. (page 116)

• [Each other] It aint no way I could defend him against what they are saying about him. Some of it sounds true and the other half you just can’t tell. (page 116)

• In Politricks, you survive by knowing your place (sharing or withholding information that would help you fit comfortable in that place where the leadership is comfortable with you).  (page 118)

• In short, don’t speak your mind unless you are out of your political mind. Wear a mask; don’t show the real you. You can do that later – after you get in. (page 118)

• Train yourself, even in private moments, to stroke the ego of key political players who fear anyone with an original idea who is not genuflecting. (page 118)

• Politics isn’t dirty, it’s the people in politics. (page 121)

• Politicide – (v) The thought, word or act that leads to ones own political death. These may include the following: (pager 123)

  • Speaking out against “assinine” suggestions of your party’s leader.

  • Being completely honest with voters

  • Doing what is necessary rather than what is popular.

  • Finally running an honest, ethical campaign after years of treachery.

  • Thinking on your own without the permission of or consultation with your party’s leadership.